Do What You Want! It's Your Wedding!

Browsing through the website Sharon likes to call The Vom, I am always astounded at the number of questions from brides asking if it's ok to have two different types of music at the wedding or if they can mix up the seating arrangement at the reception. Really? You really need to ask them for permission to have the kind of music you like at your own wedding? This drives me nuts! Now either this website likes to depict women (particularly brides) as helpless creatures who cannot think for themselves outside of an old-school ettiquette book or there really ARE women out there who genuinely feel they need someone else's permission to plan their wedding their way. Yikes! It makes me dizzy just thinking about it.

I often leave the said site baffled and wondering if the bride's questions are real. While planning my own wedding, I didn't even think about asking someone if I could let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses. I just did. No they did not match perfectly, but I liked the mis-matched look and I'm pretty sure all of my friends were able to wear their dresses again. Something most people will never be able to say. Because let's face it: no one will ever wear a taffeta dress EVER again. Ever. But I digress.

My point is: I am all for boucing ideas off of each other and brainstorming--even asking the "ettiquette experts" the really hard questions having to do with family dynamics, etc-- but I hope people are starting to understand that there are no rules anymore when it comes to planning your wedding. You really can have whatever kind of wedding you want!

Obligatory Invites & Your Bridal Backbone

One of the most common questions I am asked by brides is: "Should I invite [insert name of person you don't really want to invite, but feel obligated to for one reason or another]?" This is not an easy subject to broach for many people. It's a complicated, multi-layered issue that ultimately depends on each person's unique situation.

It's easy for me to jump right in and say you should only invite the people you truly want at your wedding. And in a perfect world where everyone is mature and don't take things personally, I would say go for it. However, there are times when inviting someone you wouldn't normally consider makes more sense than losing a friendship or causing a huge uproar in the family.

For example, when my husband and I were planning our wedding we decided to keep it small and invite about 75 people or so. This posed a challenge for my in-laws since they have more friends than anyone else I know. So needless to say, their list of people to invite equalled more than half our guest list. We wanted to be respectful and allow them to invite their friends, but we also wanted to feel like it was our crowd. So we compromised. We said they could invite 20 friends. And while it wasn't their first preference, ultimately they understood where we were coming from and it all worked out in the end.

So my best advice is to listen to your gut and ask yourself the following questions:

• What are your biggest priorities?
• Do you want a small, intimate wedding?
• By not inviting someone are you putting a valuable relationship at risk?
• If you will cause a snag in the relationship, is it worth it?

And, yes, sometimes it IS worth the snag. Who wants a drunken lunatic at their wedding? Well, most people don't anyway. My point is that it's OK to cause a snag when you're standing up for what you want. It's called exercising what I call your "Bridal Backbone." You don't always have to play peacemaker, but you've got to know what you want before putting your foot down.

Hope this helps!

For Better or Worse,
Nicole {Matrimonial Maven}

Have a question for me? Email me with your concern and I'll post a reply here on the blog!