Obligatory Invites & Your Bridal Backbone

One of the most common questions I am asked by brides is: "Should I invite [insert name of person you don't really want to invite, but feel obligated to for one reason or another]?" This is not an easy subject to broach for many people. It's a complicated, multi-layered issue that ultimately depends on each person's unique situation.

It's easy for me to jump right in and say you should only invite the people you truly want at your wedding. And in a perfect world where everyone is mature and don't take things personally, I would say go for it. However, there are times when inviting someone you wouldn't normally consider makes more sense than losing a friendship or causing a huge uproar in the family.

For example, when my husband and I were planning our wedding we decided to keep it small and invite about 75 people or so. This posed a challenge for my in-laws since they have more friends than anyone else I know. So needless to say, their list of people to invite equalled more than half our guest list. We wanted to be respectful and allow them to invite their friends, but we also wanted to feel like it was our crowd. So we compromised. We said they could invite 20 friends. And while it wasn't their first preference, ultimately they understood where we were coming from and it all worked out in the end.

So my best advice is to listen to your gut and ask yourself the following questions:

• What are your biggest priorities?
• Do you want a small, intimate wedding?
• By not inviting someone are you putting a valuable relationship at risk?
• If you will cause a snag in the relationship, is it worth it?

And, yes, sometimes it IS worth the snag. Who wants a drunken lunatic at their wedding? Well, most people don't anyway. My point is that it's OK to cause a snag when you're standing up for what you want. It's called exercising what I call your "Bridal Backbone." You don't always have to play peacemaker, but you've got to know what you want before putting your foot down.

Hope this helps!

For Better or Worse,
Nicole {Matrimonial Maven}

Have a question for me? Email me with your concern and I'll post a reply here on the blog!